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paris notebook

in paris it is clearly visible that the world is teetering on the edge. everywhere there are people teetering on the edge and lots of other people pretending not to be, and yet others who are the reason the world is teetering on the edge.

i want to go and see if the dead black guy with one leg is still there. maybe he was not dead but a dead person has a certain look, it is as if all time has collapsed for them, the time person talks about, the time of being, but also the time of having. it is as if time has left their body, those limbs, that hand, will never move in time again. but if he is not dead why have they covered his face?

i am not angry but i’m sad - it is ok to be sad. one might say : learn to be comfortable being sad. you can use anger to drive out the sadness or sublimate it. but then you are stuck with the anger.

one might say : if you are NOT sad there is something wrong with you but there is something wrong with you anyway because you are a human and to be a human is to be a disease, although some humans are more of a disease than others.

there is a lot to be angry about but you could also be sad about it. why are you angry rather than sad? it is more FUN to be angry than it is to be sad, less pathetic. to be sad is well … sad. to be sad is to be a waste of space. who ever got anything DONE when they were sad? even FEAR is better than sadness: at least if you are afraid you can go and hide under your blanket. but when you are grieving, if you are in mourning, there is nowhere to hide. sadness will find you where ever you are.

this EXIT is closed

there are numerous malfunctioning things, errors, defects, failures and discrepancies of every kind. in nederland one is still surprised and kind of outraged if something doesn’t work as expected but here in paris the number of things that don’t work seem to be approaching 50% and maybe it’s more than 50% when it is insanely hot like this?

there is no internet and there is no one you can talk to about it until 9am but if the internet is down in the whole of northern france as you say then what would be the point?

  1. ANGER

  2. FEAR


paris is PRE-POSTAPOCALYPTIC. it is entirely possible that the apocalypse will not come for another 100 million years when the biosphere will have totally evaporated and/or the sun collapses in on itself but the PRE-POSTAPOCALYPTIC era — or perhaps it is an EPOCH — is one where everyone is waiting for it to happen or pretending it is not going to, at least during their lifetime.

you would have to say that on the whole, the world is a DISAPPOINTMENT. yes there are madeleines and strawberries! but how many madeleines and/or strawberries can you eat? and right now there is the rosebay willowherb… will you look at those pink spires?! it is evident that there IS beauty amidst and in chaos and madness and disease and sadness but to say that the world lives up to expectations would be a gross overstatement.

the world is a disappointment and you can’t blame people for saying : stop the world! i want to get off!

about the only thing you can change, to an extent, is your relation to the world, and your way of interacting with it. so let’s examine that, lets talk about it in a way which is not performing or trying to establish or reinforce a power relationship where i might be able to profit from you in some way - or vice versa.

part two

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